Ever Wonder Why Your Attracted to the Same Kind Of Bad People?
When it comes to relationships we all have the idea that it should be something out of a movie or a fairy tale. With the typical boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl at first sight, boy and girl get married stories it’s easy to get swept up in the magic of it all. But when it really comes down to it, most people are attracted to the wrong person for them and their lifestyle, which leaves us wondering, why?
There are some of us out there that meet someone who simply doesn’t like the things that we like, doesn’t understand our humor, or even has a wandering eye and truth be told, it happens to everyone. The real nagging question is why it happens to some of us over and over again. There’s a concrete psychological reason as to why we’re always attracted to the wrong people, according to Shelly Bullard who is a family and marriage therapist. It’s all because the damaged part of you is deciding who you want to be with, not your best self.
Bullard believes that there are 2 identities that we work with in our lives, our “little self” and our “Spiritual Self”. The little self is the wounded part and the Spiritual is the adult version or our “higher” self. The wounded part of your being is what constantly brings your value into question, forcing you to never really feel whole with who you are and thus, you go out searching for someone to complete you – anyone. Whereas your Spiritual Self is the part that understands wisdom, peace, and truth, never brings your worth into question, and helps you to understand just how amazing you truly are.
The main thing to remember is that your ego is never happy as it is always searching for the next best thing, something that will make you feel more satisfied with your life whether it’s a new job, more money, or a higher level of status. It needs materialistic gratification to receive validation but regardless of how often you please your ego, it’s never truly fulfilled. By operating using only your ego, you’ll always believe that there is a part missing in your life.
Why Am I Always Attracted to the Wrong Person?
When you go through a bad relationship or a bad breakup it hangs on your soul like unnecessary baggage and you bring that with you wherever you go. This in turn attracts us to people that accentuate the feelings of hurt as your unconscious mind wants you to be able to learn from your mistakes and grow from them. Our mind goes through the process of reliving difficult times in our lives so that we can finally cope with the pain and move past it. Though this doesn’t seem to help when you realize that it’s time to start choosing people that are better for you.
To break the cycle of reliving the hurt, Bullard says that we need to take advantage of our higher self, the part of us that knows the truth about what we desire and what we need. And by doing so it will help us to find someone that will accentuate the fact that we are capable, powerful, and amazing. This is because we won’t be dragged down with the constant negative feeling of past relationships and the fact that we never felt worthy. It also puts a stop to searching for temporary validation that strokes our egos but in fact doesn’t help us to turn into the person that we truly want to be at the end of the day. It’s better to get a deeper understanding of our Spiritual Self and to ignore our little self.
When you’ve finally achieved this higher state of mind and better view of yourself and what you deserve, you’ll be able to look at past relationships and encounters and realize that those people were there to push you towards the right path. It is important that you never regret anything that you go through in life as everything is a stepping-stone to bring you to where you are today. Without the experience of being hurt, you’d never know what to avoid and what you truly deserve.
The best advice that you can get from anyone is to take the time to first heal your own wounds before you go searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right. To have a healthy and stable relationship you need to get rid of that unnecessary baggage and don’t ever question your worth or your value as it is not only unfair to you, but it’s also unfair to the other person in your relationship. In fact, there might not be a better motivator in your life than suffering through a broken heart and learning how you’re going to put all of the pieces back together again.